We women need to work at changing the way we view moms who have both outside careers and family, AND also changing the way we view women who choose to stay home with their family. The book “the Mommy Wars” takes the position that there is a feminist conflict between the “career” mom and the “traditional” mom, but really we just need to support each other with the understanding that women today, whether in the workforce or at home, wear many hats at once, and they are all valid.

My mother in law was offended because she felt the author was making fun of Mennonites and her family. My take was that she had been exposed to another life outside the Mennonite community and was able to look at things differently—-seeing the humorous quirks of people and at the same time experiencing the warmth of coming back into the fold so to speak.

Going by comments above, I think I should re-read The novel A Complicated Kindness.

This posting got a lot more responses, which I find interesting.

I think the advice about enjoying your time with your family and your time at work is sound. I don’t know why we as women feel so much more guilt; it does not seem to be as much of a problem for most men. I assume it is socialization.

However, I am sure some men struggle with guilt for not spending time with their children, though it often seems to be later in life when they are looking back and assessing their lives.

I am grateful that I was blessed to be a parent of two wonderful daughters and also to have a fulfilling career. I am very thankful for a supportive spouse.

I did a second review of this book (different from the one reblogged in the Femonite) which had much less traffic but is relevant to many points above about humor:http://womensmemoirs.com/memoir-book-reviews/memoir-book-review-rhoda-janzens-mennonite-in-a-little-black-dress-reviewed-by-shirley-h-showalter/.

One thing to observe about the book that I haven’t seen elsewhere. Mennonites are not the only readers who are bi-polar when it comes to this book! Amazon features (an enviable) 305 reviews. But there are 58 one-star reviews (some, but surely not all, are from Mennonites). Many non-Mennonite readers hated the book too. But they are joined by a slightly larger group (78) who LOVED it. The result? For a bestseller, the book has a low rating of three stars. The love-hate controversy was actually good for sales and good for conversations like this one.

Janzen’s second book, Does This Church Make Me Look Fat, has a higher approval rating (4 stars) but lower sales. It has 51 reviews, most of them 5-star, and 0 1-star! I suspected this would be the case when I read the book. I have enjoyed watching this talented writer change, grow, and move toward wisdom. I suspect she will continue to do so and applaud her as a path-breaker.

I hope we can seize this moment to engage with the culture about the things that matter most to us — following Jesus and his message of love and peace. How do we socialize children into kindness? How do we reconcile seeming opposites? How do we equip people to enter war zones and help in trauma recovery?

Can our cookbooks do this? Actually, how many cookbooks do you know that feature a whole group of women dedicating their lives not just to cooking but to each other and to their readers and giving all their royalties to charity? Those Mennonite Girls impress me!

But there is more, much more treasure, where our Mennonite heart is. Thanks for stimulating my thinking. I hope to write an article on Mennonites and Memoir in the next month. I’ll be paying attention to this conversation and others both on the Femonite (thanks, Hannah!) and at Third Way Cafe.